Newearth Castle
Monday, January 19, 2004
THREE THINGS THAT SCARE ME
rejection
failure
abandoning God
THREE THINGS I DON'T UNDERSTAND
religion
people my age
boys
THREE THINGS I AM WEARING RIGHT NOW
orange paisley socks
green long-sleeve tee
blue jeans
THREE THINGS ON MY DESK
money
Frodo cup
fortune cookie calendar
THREE THINGS I WANT TO DO BEFORE I DIE
marry someone I love
have a child
get published
THREE GOOD WAYS TO DESCRIBE MY PERSONALITY
nice
loyal
obedient
THREE BAD THINGS ABOUT MY PERSONALITY
too trusting
meanness
laziness
THREE PARTS OF MY HERITAGE
Irish
German
Czechoslovakian
THREE THINGS I LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
eyes
hair
height
THREE THINGS I DON'T LIKE ABOUT MY BODY
complexion
fat
too masculine looking
THREE THINGS MOST PEOPLE DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME
I've only been asked out twice (three times)
I like some Christina Aguilera songs
I don't like salmon cakes
THREE THINGS I SAY THE MOST
"That's fine."
"Okay."
"Wo pu tung hua shuo de hen hao."
THREE PLACES I WANT TO GO
China
England
Australia
THREE NAMES THAT I GO BY
Kate
Katie
Chuck
THREE SCREEN NAMES I HAVE HAD
Cube
Mathom Collector
Leafy
Sunday, January 18, 2004
George was a boy who was 24 years old. George didn't care that I am so much younger than him. George seemed like a nice guy, so I agreed to go out with him. It was a little shaky at first, but I came into my own. He really liked me, so I began to like him. A few weeks ago, he took me to a football game with his friend and his friend's girlfriend. We had a lot of fun. The two of us went back to his house and watched a movie on his couch. He invited me to lay with my head on his chest while we watched. I kissed a boy on the mouth for the first time that night.
We saw each other on Christmas, then I invited him to a movie and a driving lesson (he was also teaching me to drive). The last date was that. He seemed a bit standoffish, but he went through the motions well enough to convince me that everything was alright. I invited him over to take me driving yesterday. He came in and we ate some lunch because my sister was still out with the car. While we ate his cell phone rang. He answered it, as he always did. I could hear that it was a female, but he had many female friends, and the way he was speaking, it could even have been his mother. After he had a nice long chat with this woman, I asked who that was.
"Marcia," he said. "I was going to tell you about her later, but I guess I'll tell you about her now."
Marcia is a girl he met online. They met in person once, then decided to try having a long-distance relationship. It wasn't working too well, so he decided to try going out with me. He asked Marcia if she was okay with this and she said yes. However, when she learned that he took me to the football game, she made a remark to him that made it apparent that she wasn't okay with it. By the time of the last date, he had decided that he would rather be with her than with me. Almost a month later, all of this unknown to me, I got him to come over and take me driving. He knew and was probably back in the saddle with this girl for a flaming month before he told me.
"perfect by nature
icons of self indulgence
just what we all need
more lies about a world that
never was and never will be
have you no shame don't you see me
you know you've got everybody fooled
look here she comes now
bow down and stare in wonder
oh how we love you
no flaws when you're pretending
but now i know she
never was and never will be
you don't know how you've betrayed me
and somehow you've got everybody fooled
without the mask where will you hide
can't find yourself lost in your lie
i know the truth now
i know who you are
and i don't love you anymore
it never was and never will be
you're not real and you can't save me
somehow now you're everybody's fool"
Evanescence, "Everybody's Fool"
And now I'm done with him.
Saturday, January 17, 2004
